Some clients come to me confused by the fact that they think they’ve made a decision that feels right and works on paper, but they can’t find the will power to see it through. These decisions range from deciding to stay or to leave their partner, stay or leave their job, start a business, move to live abroad or leave the rat race for a self-sufficient life in the country.
I’ve worked with many people who, time after time, promise me that this week they’ll take the action needed to make the changes they say they want. Yet the following week they come back with a million reasons why they couldn’t,
Wanting something may at times influence our behaviour but when it comes to hard decisions, we need to pay some attention to our will. I explain to them how they block their action with their unconscious resister. Bringing unconscious resistance to consciousness and resolving it will unshackle your will power so that you’ll be able to stick to your decision and get on with your life
One of the most common internal resistances is between your Assured Inner Voice (AIV) and Uncertain Inner Voice (UIV). The AIV thinks it knows best. And says things like ‘You can do anything with your life’ ‘You’re a survivor’ ‘Whatever you decide you’ll make a go of it’ You’ll make it work’, ‘No one should have to put up with this’.
The UIV is weak, helpless, submissive and apologetic and chips in with negative self-talk. The UIV says things like ‘What if I fail?’ ‘What will people think?’ ‘I can’t do it alone’ ‘I’m not up to this challenge’, ‘It’s not that bad, I expect too much’
This is the inner conflict, the struggle between your AIV and the UIV to gain control. Because you’re not conscious of your inner conflict you find yourself stuck between the part of you that wants to ‘fly’ and the part that ‘nails your foot to the floor’.
When people identify either with their AIV or UIV they don’t realiIze their own part in blocking themselves and may project it onto mother, father, society, management, the company culture, lack of communication etc.
Thus, individuals maintain the status quo and continue their life of a mediocre mentality, a mediocre existence, a mediocre career, a mediocre marriage because they can see no way through the impasse. If they can become aware of, identify with and own both sides of the internal conflict, they become more balanced, centred and more confident to make their move.
Copyright © Beverley Stone Confronting Company Politics Published by Palgrave Macmillan 1997 ISBN 0-333-68154-1
Copyright © Beverley Stone The Inner Warrior Published by Palgrave Macmillan 2004 ISBN 1-4039-3677-3
Copyright © Beverley Stone 2010